This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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