Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
