The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize