You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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