I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
