this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
