We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
