No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
