It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
