Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
