He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
