Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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