I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
