My liver just broke up with me...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
