my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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