he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
