You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
