my vag is so smooth its legendary
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
