oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
