i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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