My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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