community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
