wat bout pragnant strippers??
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
