sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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