mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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