I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
