Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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