Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
