I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
