I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
