My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
