ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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