I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
