I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
