Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
