I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
