You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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