I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
