I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
