when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
