i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
