I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
