Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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