I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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