Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
