There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
