fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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