He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
