My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
