Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
