btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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