dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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