Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When did angry sex become our thing?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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