What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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