So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
