Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
