Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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