I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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