Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
