help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
