I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
