Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
