Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
