How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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